I like to think of myself as independent. I want something, I go out and fucking work to get it my own damn self. No waiting on anyone or anything. Why, because I hate depending on others for my own damn happiness and success. Which brings us to point A. This random ass mood I’ve been in lately. I feel lonely. Like really really lonely. The “I could be in the middle of times Square surrounded by tons of people, yet I’m still lonely” kinda feeling. It’s annoying. It frustrates me. And I know why I feel this way, which just pisses me the fuck off. I want to know how to make my own damn self better, but I can’t. I miss you. I miss being around you. I miss waking up next to you. Knowing you’re coming home from work to me. Knowing that at the end of the day, as long as it may have been, I have your back and you reciprocate. Every time some funny shit happens I forget for a millisecond that you’re no longer here, and I wanna run to tell you all about it. I won’t lie, I was so used to my phone lighting up and seeing your name & face on my screen. I hate it. It’s like I’m fxcking backtracking. It’s been SO long, but unfortunately no number of rebounds were enough. This is were my willpower is tested. I know I can have you back with a single call, that’s all it would take.. but I can’t do that. Not again. Not to myself, not to my heart.